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City Of New Orleans Sues Hornets Organization Over 2006 Playoff Run
19th April, 2006 - 3:32 am

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By Buster Gunning

After a couple of dismal seasons in New Orleans, the Hornets, playing this season primarily in Oklahoma City, managed to put together a respectable season in the tough Western Conference, coming within 5 games of the Sacramento Kings for the 8th and final seed. Some people, however, are not happy about the Hornets pseudo-amazing turnaround. New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin has filed a class action lawsuit on behalf of the City of New Orleans citing the Hornets good season in Oklahoma City was ‘excessive’.

“We are going to sue the players, we are going to sue the owner, we are going to sue the city of Oklahoma City, we are going to sue everyone who played a part in this near .500 season,” Mayor Ray Nagin said in a recent press conference. “This whole ordeal has been, to put it simply, shameful and is a slap in the face to the loyal fans of New Orleans!”

Mayor Nagin isn’t the only one who is upset about the potential 39-43 season. Craig “Krill” Noeldner is a commercial crawfish miner and Hornets season-ticket holder and had the following to say:

“I have had to sit through season after crappy season watching this team get laughed off the court time and time again. Well, actually it has only been three seasons, but it felt like a decade.”

Noeldner mused. “Now, the minute they leave town, they put together a dream season in which they almost won as many games as they lost. Spoiled athletes, makes me sick, just sick. I bet none of them players has ever scooped up 100 pounds of krill with an oversized net in their life.”

Hornets’ owner George Shinn said to be baffled by the lawsuit; however, he is exercising extreme caution by stashing some of his assets oversees. Mr. Shinn has cited the “McDonalds lawsuit-thingy” as the cause of his paranoia.

Send your big-krill stories to: Buster.Gunning@realgm.com

The preceding article was a piece of satirical fiction.
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